Open Water

"Lets go for a walk."

"Meh."

I got up and slapped her on the knee. "Come on I can't see straight--I've been reading to much." After about an hour of reading, my eyes start to turn nearsighted--or is it farsighted. My eyes turn red and everything further then a foot in front of my face, looks blurry. The longer I read, the more disoriented I become. It grows exponentially.

"You go." Finished with the paragraph, she looked at me. "It's cold, I don't want to go."

"Oh bitch, bitch, bitch."

After marking her page, she threw her book at me. It hit me in the knee. "Jesus Christ. What the fuck?" She giggled at me.

I thew her coat at her and pushed her over and ran out the door. She ran after me.

It's beautiful outside. Chicago in winter with this woman: my favorite place, time, and person combination. I like walking in the snow. Everything seems to go more slowly; I take more time moving contemplating every step. If I stop watching my every foot step, for even a second, I know I'll slip and fall. Which, really, wouldn't be a problem. I enjoyed the few times I have fallen on ice. My feet fly up, over my head. My hands, grasping for any kind of stabilizer, drop anything they are holding. Generally a box, some food, mail. Never anything breakable, never anything that will hurt me, and never anything alive. This is one of the few times I am completely unaffected by gravity. It's the same feeling as landing in an airplane, or going over a big hill in a fast car. I am free and I am weightless, and it always gives me that funny feeling in my stomach. The one that feels almost like an orgasm. Almost. The only problem is, I never have time to enjoy the fall. Before I know it I brace for impact and its already happened.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"Mmm."

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"Shhh."

She slugged me in the shoulder. It hurt a lot--she's amazingly strong--but I brush off the pain by comically overcompensating.

"Sorry." I pointed to the ground a few feet in front of us. "You can tell it's cold when the snow snakes across the road."

"Stop quoting your dad."

"I'm not quoting my dad . . . I'm quoting my mom, quoting my dad."

"Still, it's not something original. It was cute and insightful the first time you said it."

"Hey, fuck you."

"Shhhh."

We were lucky enough to live in a quite neighborhood near the lake. I love the lake. Lake Michigan, has the scope of the ocean, but reacts nothing like the salty sea. You can see forever--infinite water on the horizon, but the fresh water freezes. Sometimes instantly, showing ripples and waves.

"Wait here." I run off before she could say anything.

"Hey. Where are you going?" I hear behind me. I ignore her, knowing that if I run fast enough she wont fallow. I dash across the intersection diagonally, and into the, normally sandy but now snowy white, beach. I sprinted toward the shore, being careful not to slip on the semi-frozen sand. The water was a few feet farther then usual. As the waves crashed onto the beach and the temperature drops, ice forms and juts out five or six feet into the lake. I scan the beach and, after finding what I want, run back.

"Shut your eyes."

"What?"

"Just shut your eyes and come with me."

She shut her eyes and completely put her trust in me. I drag her to the beach and the furthest outcropping of ice. "Careful." I tell her and stop her at the very edge of the ice. I stand behind her and look over her head. My eye line is her eye line. I aim her in between the lighthouse on the right and the skyscrapers on the left, to completely rid them from our peripheral vision.

"Listen."

"What, I hear cars and birds and people over there."

"No, ignore them, do you hear anything else?"

"No."

"Isn't that nice."

"Mmm."

"Now open your eyes, but don't move your head."

She opened her eyes and gasped. "Wow. It's beautiful. I feel like I'm standing on open water."

"Cool. No?"

"Shhh."